Showing posts with label new york. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new york. Show all posts

Friday, June 4

Structural Support

At one time I had a budding interest in geology. I started a rock collection. Later, it was obvious the majority of my finds were gravel and concrete bits from house construction. Trading posts in Arizona were my inspiration to begin collecting pretty, polished rocks. I loved my geology course at Scottsdale High, however, the only thing I remember from the grueling end-of-semester test was what schist and basalt look like. Today, my hikes in the Phoenix Mountain Preserve prompt regret I don't have a better memory for igneous vs metamorphic, or alluvium from common sandstone.

Guatemalans right now have a spectacular and dizzying front row seat to the Mother of geological processes. ¡Ay, increible! I have a fear of heights. Just peeking at images of this baby has me instinctively bracing my toes hard against the floor ~ a posture very similar to what you do with your right foot while someone else is behind the wheel during their learner's permit phase.
Adding to this innate fear, is the fact that even the experts are baffled with why it appeared and more importantly, what to do with it. (1) El Grande (I don't know what they're calling it, really, it could be "Mauricio" or maybe "El Diablo") is something like 30 stories deep. Straight DOWN. As in toss a peso over the rim and take a siesta before hearing it hit bottom - creepers. Of course I'm having fun with this because I am 2,374 miles away from it. And, because thankfully, no one was killed because of it.

Distressingly, I read today about a place familiar to all of us where a lot of people were killed; a place that is literally a National burial ground we swore we would never forget. Ground zero in New York City is projected as the future site for a $100 million Muslim mosque and community center. (2) A Muslim advocate explained it would be a "much needed space for venues" (that's marketing-speak for "parties"). The community board in Manhattan voted 29-1 for it. The families of 9/11 victims emotionally present during the four hour meeting were apparently dismissed in favor of politics, or the presumed benefits of displaying to the world that America is a sloppy forgiving place.


There was no mention of proposing a non-denominational chapel or memory garden or any number of other compassionate and beautiful solutions that would speak much more inclusively about "bridging gaps" and "higher aspirations". The Manhattan Borough President actually defended his support for the mosque by quick-drawing the ever convenient bigotry card when he said, "What we're rejecting here is outright bigotry and hatred." New Yorkers did not fail their reputation for attitude, and in this instance I believe they righteously dished it out when they shouted, "Honor the 3,000!"

Why there? Why now? Whose agenda is really about "high" ideals? Religious tolerance, humanity, decency or brotherly love doesn't have anything to do with this particularly well-organized Muslim effort being very emphatic and very unyielding about what they think is best for that site. If Muslim Americans wish to promote their desire for peace and harmony, how about a donation towards trees planted or a commemorative monument suitable for all people in a place hallowed specifically by one people: those who lost their lives there. It wasn't a geological phenomenon that opened up and swallowed the 3,000; it was outright bigotry and hatred.

The only thing geologists are in agreement on is that some kind of structural mechanical support will be necessary at the base of the massive sinkhole before anyone thinks about adding who knows how much fill to it. I have an idea about that which will solve both problems: it will cost about $100 million.







Thursday, January 22

Senate Seat Sitcom


Camelot Caroline Kennedy is out, the "Nanny" is in. If sitcom darling Fran Drescher can chit-chat with Governor Patterson about her offings towards the U.S. Senate seat vacated by the Hillers, then so can I! We can work out the whole residency thing later, I'm sure. Given the obvious dumbing-down for Senate prerequisites, my qualifications are totally awesome; and once I have a chance to present them to his excellency, the spot is mine.

Queens origins aside, what's she got? We love Drescher for fitting into a size 2 and advocating women's health issues, and certainly respect her status as a uterine cancer survivor. Just because my uterus has not been the subject of meaningful dialogue before doesn't mean it couldn't happen. Even her award-winning Hollywood experience does not promote her chances as much as she thinks it does; everyone knows her agent handled all the contract negotiations - the only thing she had to do was show up in heels and read her lines. If a positive attitude was all that was required, then she would be a delightful shoe-in. But seriously, successful Senating is not all about personality. Some things should change - motherhood should definitely automatically set the standard for performance. Hillary only has one, Fran has none, and yours truly has 5. Rose Kennedy had like 11 or something. See what I mean? Nebulously-defined Life experience is now what it's all about.

Here are the top five reasons I should be considered for Clinton's New York Senate seat:

5. I have ample foreign relations experience.
If the Oral environment isn't foreign territory to 99% of the population, then I don't know what is. Can you tell the difference between a bi-cuspid and a 3rd molar? A fistula and a bifurcation? Where is tooth #7 located in your mouth? When would a 558 carbide bur be preferred over a 335? And could you correctly anticipate gelfoam for packing a "bleeder"? These are pressing questions that effect real change in real lives. I can't even count how many times I said, "Sigame, por favor" or "Abra la boca"and "no te muevas" in perfect Spanish. I not only have experience, I speak the language.

4. I have implemented tough policy.
"I'm sorry, but I must insist you wait here while we address little Tiffany's dental needs. Thank you!"
"You must wear this lead shield, or we cannot proceed."
"Mr. Jones, I can tell that this is not today's lunch. It is not even yesterday's lunch. You are failing to maintain proper oral hygiene."
"Consuming alcohol is not an acceptable pre-operative sedation. We'll have to reschedule."
"You may only play nintendo requisite to the amount of time you first read 'Robinson Crusoe' or some other suitable classic."
"I didn't ask if you wanted to. I said you will..."
"See your MySpace? See this delete button...?"
"Hand over your cell phone. Now."

3. I have lofty principles that will not be compromised.
I believe in fluoride. I will not recommend commercial mouthwashes, or electric toothbrushes - even Butler. You can be an Aborrigini in the bush chewing on a stick and achieve better results; it's all about technique, technique, technique.
I believe you have a right to express yourself freely and without reservation, before 9 PM.
I believe your petition to go out tonight is commensurate with the degree to which your room is clean and the bathroom does not look like a crime scene.
I will never attend a church "trunk or treat" because it is a "safe" Halloween alternative.

2. I have bold leadership skills and collaborative experience.
I chose the Southern plantation owner's side in a civil war unit role-play in high school. My ability to thoroughly research my divinely superior position and present it with a bubble gum cigar in hand and thick, Southern accent reduced my weenie "we're all created equal" Northern Abolitionist opponent to tears. Class had to be dismissed early. I got an 'A'. ~ (p.s. it was role play - pretend)
I served on the Newspaper Committee in Young Adults.
I threatened the Creighton School District with media attention if they did not correct their fondness for rouge school buses holding kids hostage for 2 hours while their non-English speaking driver got lost clear downtown by Bank One Ballpark. They conducted the emergency parent meeting as per my demand, and let us chew up the idiot depot manager to boot.
I can manipulate 13 Nursery kids to conform to my will for several 1o minute stretches at a time.

1. I am experienced in sensitive domestic negotiations.
Yesterday, I politely informed the next door neighbor his motion-sensitive security light was on steady all night and made our bedroom like Las Vegas. He apologized and fixed it.
19 years ago, I informed 4 year old Angie at 6AM that she could not play with Leiland for 2 reasons; we were all asleep and, she was totally nude.
I am comfortable re-phrasing my communications with some people until they demonstrate a passable understanding of what I said.
Ditto for choice 'educators' oft encountered in our swirling-the-drain public school system.
I am a quick-study; I could probably 'carelessly' over-look paying thousands of dollars in taxes, send sexually explicit gay e-mails to young Capitol Hill pages, flash gay hand-signals in a public potty, accept bribes from lobbyists and majorly remodel my kitchen, be casually chummy with William Ayers, valiantly admit to a seedy laison with a Madame or hire illegals with the best of them ~ if only given the chance.