Negligent Homicide

Carpet is wet
with my mail-order friends.
Spilled entirely by accident.
Little brothers
are a hazard,
and cannot make amends.

*An add in a Marvel Comic book sealed my fate: I had Sea Monkey Fever. For about $1.75, one could mail away an exciting order for “Instant Life”; scientific magic crystals that when added to a special salt water solution, would brew tiny aquatic pets any kid would delight to own.

During the interminable 4 – 6 weeks waiting for delivery, I imagined the fun dancing and playing my very own Sea Monkeys would perform for my viewing pleasure. Based on the promotional illustrations, I knew they would all have smiling faces like so many teensy-weensy water babies.

After mixing my coveted crystals with the brine solution in a mason jar, it was almost a week before I could actually see my precious friends with the naked eye. I would lie on my stomach in front of our living room window for the longest time, gazing at the jar sitting on the carpet in front of my nose impatiently willing the Monkeys to grow. One afternoon I carelessly got up from my vigil to get a snack ~ and left my Sea Monkeys tragically vulnerable to toddler attack.

Sea Monkeys are a type of brine shrimp first marketed in 1957 by a true American gimmick master Harold von Braunhut as "Instant Life". He christened them "The Amazing Sea-Monkeys" on May 10, 1962. (Braunhut is also the inventor of x-ray glasses.) Sea Monkey adds were known for their exaggerated advertisements and packaging, which featured smiling anthropomorphic creatures alien to reality. Promotions appeared regularly in comic books throughout the 60’s and early 70’s.


*excerpt from 'Station Wagon Wars ~ growing up in the 60's' by cTanner

Moe & the Mystery of the Back Porch Day

We are going outside. We are going outside to visit the back porch. See Ellie waiting for us to come out! Oh! She has a new little friend.

See Moe. Funny bird! He is a cocky Cockatiel. He can bite like the dickens. Bad bird! He can shriek all day long. Can you say “insanely annoying”?

Cindi let Moe go 3 times. He always came back - so sad, so sad. This time a cat got him, but Ellie the Hero Dog chased away Mean Mr. Naughty Cat. Moe is hurt, but getting better. He is thankful Ellie came to the rescue. Happy, gimpy bird!

Now we have a confused cross-species relationship that cannot be explained. Moe thinks his bff is a dog. This could be a mystery - if I had not just explained it to you.

Moe thinks he is a doghouse bird.

Moe thinks he is an attack bird. This is the target of a Moe-attack...

watch out!

Mostly he is a hungry bird.

See pretty Skittles. Skittles is happy to be rid of her bossy cage-mate. She lives outside on the back porch, too. But she is not free to poop everywhere like Moe.

See the nasty butt. Tanners do not smoke. Is this the mystery? No! Chinese roofers smoke a lot.

See the pretty petunias. We have not killed them yet...but we will. See the stylish Calla Lillies.

Look! How lovely are the Aloe Vera blooms.

This could also be called a Lazarus plant, because you can’t kill it if you tried.

Here is a blossom from the sweet, purple vine Mrs. Li had the Mexicans hack to pieces.
Ha, ha, Mrs. Li! Everyone knows ~ tyranny cannot long endure.

Here is something very interesting. Is this a mystery?
No! It is a grapefruit tree that has been drilled by something else that is always hungry, like Moe.

Hello, big fat carpenter bee! Ellie tries to eat you, but she’s just kidding.

Here is Ellie’s dead monkey. Sad monkey. It is not a mystery who has killed the monkey. Ellie has been trying to tear his squeaker out. This is an innate canine urge called “must get the squeaker to justify my existence”.

Ellie is justified many times over.

Play dead, Ellie. Play dead, Moe.

Play with your toy, Ellie. Play with the hose, Moe.

Maybe Moe would like to gnaw on the bone Ellie has. Yummy bone.

See the vintage ‘50’s metal porch support cemented into the wall years later. It goes up, up, up. There is nothing at the top! Silly previous homeowners.

Goofy things like this give a home “character”. Our house can out-character your house.

Look! You can see Cindi’s beloved chicken house framed inside the support. The turquoise of the chicken house is the same exact color as what’s left of the paint on the support.

This is the mystery of the Back Porch Day.