Geithner move over; financial rebound is only a melt-in-your-mouth bite away!
Did you get your Church News with the 'Mormon Times' insert this week? How much money did you bet there would be mention of Marie Osmond? What are the chances she would not only be mentioned (again), but debut as spokesperson for yet another product?
GAG me. Now we have some mystical, "healthy" chocolate with a crazy meso-american
name and Marie's extra-cake-foundation mug all over it. If they could get away with calling it Book of Mormon Candy and offer testimonials about its spiritual benefits, or possibly a link to 
carpet-bagging members are racking in the dough on to get that) then there really would be a veritable money-maker to turn the market around and how. Oh wait, it's the next best thing - a pyramid scheme catering to gulible Mormons who are interested in earning up to $5000 a month on something that cures allergies and high blood pressure, unsightly age spots, brain tumors, bleeding gums, and tastes like dessert! It's like a super righteous Word of Wisdom small business opportunity! It's packaged in bulk and recommended for your year's supply food storage! (Because after all, if distribution of goods and services is ever interrupted by a hurricane or an atom bomb, heaven knows we wouldn't want our families to go without chocolate). It's like, *blessed!
I want Marie's agent. This genius has succeeded in keeping her mediocre career one step out of Branson and on the talk show B-list forever - much to Donny's dismay. How anyone's career could survive her embarrassing Baby Doll exhibition on Dancing With the Stars is beyond me.
Maybe it was the fainting bit; sympathetic drama to energize the ever loyal fan base. She even exploited her post-partum depression as another headliner story - remember that? (Wouldn't we all like to "hand the Nanny the checkbook" and take a tearful drive up the scenic coast highway?) After a second divorce and the Nutri-system contract, all she needs now is one of her 8 kids making a scandal. Oh wait, that already happened - times three. Then she publicly criticized Billy Ray Cyrus' parenting. I am sure there will be another appropriately timed media opportunity, something that pops up right when her doll sales stagnate or her new Las Vegas show generates reviews. Her hair extensions look pretty good, though . . .I am seriously going on a diet. It does not involve chocolate or any antioxidants that I am aware of.
* Hahaha - guess what? The swell testimonial page has since been expunged from their website. There IS truth in advertising after all. Too bad, though, comedic relief has its merits.
