Tuesday, July 14

Poignant REVENGE

What goes around, comes around.

We dearly love our two boys become men. They are both Eagle Scouts. They are married to beautiful, wonderful young ladies. They are both now fathers of the most amazing, sheer-genius little boy, and the most darling, adorable little girl, respectively. They own their own fully stocked tool chests, they each have a nice barbecue grill, and are lucky enough to have some very nice furniture pieces to make their homes a welcoming haven for their growing little families.

Their wives have decorated carefully. They have beautifully framed family portraits in attractive wall displays. These two cherished daughters-in-law are, I believe, quite unaware of a dark portent that looms ominously over their domestic tranquility.

So far, they have been spared. Spared from a justified threat their husband's father issued many years ago ~ when he promised to visit his boys at their homes some day after they were married and do the following:

1. Show up at 3 AM without a house key and tap on their bedroom window.
2. Help himself to their fridge and drink milk straight from the carton.
3. Use the 'facility' without benefit of a closed door. Wave cheerfully if discovered.
4. Sneak plates and bowls of fossilized, half-eaten food under their bed, under their dresser, and in the folds of clothing in the hamper.
5. Ask for money.
6. Ask to borrow the car.
7. Bring it back late and the gas tank empty.
8. Exhibit liberality in a variety of natural functions, in public.
9. Put his feet up on the furniture, jump on the furniture, and jump some more.
10. Leave smelly shoes and socks and skateboards just inside the front door, or the back door, or both.
11. Call from somewhere else and ask them to bring him something he "forgot".
12. Take the last can of coke and leave the empty box in the fridge.
13. Have a hysterical fit or start a fight as soon as they are speaking to someone on the phone.
14. Announce at about 9 PM that a poster board is needed and a term project is due tomorrow morning.
15. Call from somewhere else - very late - and explain about the ticket over the phone.
16. Show up for a visit and disappear somewhere in the house; be found dead asleep.
17. Arrive at an important event where they must introduce him, wearing something really super wrinkly.
18. Leave something unlocked or open all night.
19. Come for a family birthday party without a gift, turn on the t.v. or begin a video game, and stare at it for hours until their wives start to say, "Can't you get your dad out of here?!"
20. (Fill in the blank - please!)


Yaj said...

What a SUPER list! I am writing furiously... um, later gator!?

Anonymous said...

YAJ! You were supposed to post your version of what #20 should be!

Sheesh. Get with the program.

Darwin said...


the guitarist from hell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindsey said...

What about taking the family car somewhere without permission and wrecking it???? None of them ever did that?!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha. No - but I drove my Uncle's company car w/o permission and completely totaled it. We left w/my younger cousin (his son) driving which was OK by him; but later, I told Jonny I was the more experienced driver - he should let ME get behind the wheel. Besides, he was not familiar with PHX.

After driving to the fancy foothill neighborhood where a cute guy I was dating lived (David!), I went off the road by accident. In a panic, what I thought was the brake was the gas pedal. I basically floored it like Mario Andretti through all kinds of city landscaping (100yr old saguaros, palo verde trees, etc.), narrowly missed somebody's garage and parked car, demolished a 15' oleander hedge and was headed for 55mph 4 lane traffic on 44th St. & McDonald. The only thing that stopped us was a giant 3' tall landscaping boulder that broke the back axle in 2.

We both had hand-fulls of glass inside our tightest, most body conforming underwear and a shoe that ended up in the back seat - but neither of us sustained even a scratch. My dad almost killed me, but Uncle Jim was calm and kind. He was the only one to ask, "Are you two all right?"

the guitarist from hell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yaj said...

Oh, you really wanted a #20?

Okay, when your oldest gets (in my case) HIS license and wants to drive, just as we are all leaving the house Dad calls "Dibs on shot gun, both ways!"

You should have seen their faces!

Then I back seat drove, in my most nagging voice, from the front seat, the whole trip...

Coup d'etat!

Yaj said...

I think everyone's goal in life should be to live long enough to become a, hopefully embarrassing, burden to one's children.


Cynthia said...

Leave a bedroom window open all day in the heat of the summer while the air conditioner is running full blast.
(Love this post)