How To Have A Mustache Party

Situation: Birthday

Challenge: $

Resolution: MUSTACHE PARTY

Got a sweet 16 going on 17 at home? Budget crunched up the Kazoo? Worried about how hip, modern young ladies will respond to your daughter's cheap-o birthday party? No worries! Creative solutions are just fake facial hair away!

1. Have a genius big sister around to come up with the winning idea:

2. Send a whacky Facebook invite at the last minute with the rules of engagement, which include the stipulation to show up in ridiculous attire wearing a mustache of choice and speaking in a distinctive accent, with gusto.

3. Shop here:

and here:

4. Meet here:

5. Enjoy appreciative reaction from the Birthday Girl:

6. Give the waitress a mustache, too, and order lunch. Heartily acknowledge fellow dining patrons who wish they were having a mustache party. High-five those fortunate enough to have a real mustache. Ignore stink-eye from their significant others:

7. Spread the Love. A woman in one of the booths might admire the hideous jacket you are wearing, and ACCEPT it as a gift off your back. She may put it on immediately and go home happy. (a close enough replica)

8. Bask in the thrill of it all:

9. Relish the sheer JOY of upper-lip heaven! Wonder how women ever get by without breathing in hair or having it exfoliate onto whatever they are attempting to eat:

10. A-hem. Someone forgot that looking cute was not part of the scheme of things:

11. Gather for a couple of final poses outside, before going home to swim for free at your apartment pool. (It will not be necessary to coax participants. Try not to miss anything, and do your best to keep them out of traffic):

12. Rest assured that your efforts to celebrate splashed gobs of sunshine and butterflies for everyone everywhere.